Tag Archives: Jacob

5 Years Ago Yesterday

We lost our darling son Jacob. Sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago, sometimes it feels like yesterday. For those who don’t know the story, he was 18wks when we found out he had a neural tube defect called anencephaly. We still don’t know why he was unlucky enough to have it, since I was taking pre-natals and folic acid and all the rest of it.

Basically it means his spine didn’t form correctly in the early weeks of the pregnancy and he was missing the top part of his head from the eyebrows up. He only had the lower part of his brain, the brain stem. He had zero chance of surival past birth so we chose to end the pregnancy early. It was a very hard decision but the one that was best for us as a family. We did not want to prolong the grief any longer than we had to. As it turned out and to our great relief, he ended up passing away before the proceedure.

Yesterday we had a birthday cake to celebrate his birthday. The kids had lots of questions about him and wanted to see photos. Even though they have never met him, they both miss him a lot as do we. Kyan was fascinated by the photos of him, at how tiny he was and what he looked like. He is still trying to get his head around the concept of not living anymore after you die though and was asking when he would come alive again. I think he is slowly starting to understand that he wont.

I wanted to do a layout about him last night but the kit I wanted to use isn’t finished yet! So it will have to wait a few more days till I can finish it up. Not really sure what I want to put on it yet…

It is all so bittersweet, because as much as we wish Jacob was still here, if he were, Kyan wouldn’t be.